Happy Friday, iSchool! It’s almost time to shut off those laptops, take off those headsets, and go back to playing Animal Crossing for forty-eight straight hours! With just a couple more hours to our official weekend, we’d like to present to you the Help Desk’s Friday Afternoon Patronus:
Everyone, meet Bomber! Bomber can’t even. Bomber is the canine-ification of “How About No?” Bomber misplaced his very last give-a-hoot before the rest of us were even born. Unlike his human and iSchool IT Sith Lord Brynnen (All Hail), Bomber couldn’t care less if he tried. Which he won’t. Because Bomber can’t bother with trying anything.
We aspire to this level of nihilism. Bomber, how do you do it? Truly, could you teach us the way? Could you offer a Zoom Master Class on How Not to Care?
Oh. Well. We should have seen that one coming.
Friends, just this once, don’t emulate Bomber: send us your favorite friend to be featured as our Pet of the Week. It’s something worth caring about right now.
Also it’s the only thing keeping the Help Desk GAs vaguely sane. No pressure.
Friends, we’ve survived our first week of all-online life at the iSchool. The Help Desk has every confidence that we’ll survive next week, too, but we could definitely use some inspiration. That’s where this week’s Pet of the Week comes in.
Messr. Theodore Maximus Younan-Lopez (or “Teddy” to his friends) is gazing into the future, a future where he’s allowed to sniff other doggos in the park and his human, Eileen, goes to the store to buy him snausages on a daily basis; where he can leisurely wander into the bathroom for a clandestine sip of toilet water instead of having to sneak past his people*. Yes, Teddy knows there are better days coming. Teddy knows all.
We’re dreaming of a brighter future, too; especially one where our wonderful iSchoolers send us their fluffy friends to be featured as Pet of the Week. It’s for the good of humanity, y’all. Please. Think of the children.
*Our counsel advises us to state that we have no evidence Mr. Younan-Lopez has ever been anywhere near the humans’ toilet and is too good of a boy to ever do something so naughty. We apologize to Mr. Younan-Lopez and his family for any implication of wrongdoing.
A lot is changing here at the iSchool, but the one thing you can rely on is the Help Desk’s Pet of the Week! Come on out of your isolation chambers and feast your eyes on this good boy.
Willie here knows a little bit about social isolation, although he’d much prefer a cuddle and kisses. He’s good at finding a sunny, quiet spot and relaxing the day away. His human, Matthew, says he passes the time by earning new nicknames from his friends and family (William, Willard, and Wilson are recent favorites).
Have your own furry, feathered, or fanged friend who’s keeping you company while you hunker down? Send them to the Help Desk to be featured as the Pet of the Week!
Please. Send them. We need the cute right now.
Hey, iSchoolers. How’re you holding up out there? It’s been a stressful few days and it’s probably going to stay that way. But hopefully, this week’s Pet of the Week will bring a smile to your face.
Bill Purry here knows a little bit about mass hysteria (and dogs and cats living together), but he’s pretty sure the alien at the Holiday Inn in Paramus was wrong about the end of the world. He loves singing songs about the good life and avoiding restaurants that make you cook your own food. His biggest fan, Kiri, says that they love it when he sparkles, but it’s his professionalism that they really respect.
Have your own somber-faced comedian who stares dramatically out of rainy windows? Send it over to the Help Desk to be the Pet of the Week.
No jaguar sharks, please.
We apologize for the late post, but Detective Curtis Lemansky was off solving crime, and couldn’t be here for the blog.
But do not fear! Lem is doing his due diligence in protecting us from crime with his incredibly handsome looks.
Thank you, Kiri, for assuring us that Lem is keeping us safe from wrongdoers!
How’re you holding up, iSchool? Midterms are almost upon us and we could all use a little support. Lucky for us, this week’s Pet of the Week is just that kind of fellow.
Chewy here has a dogtorate in snuggling and his thesis focused on the true meaning of being a Good Boy. His masticaters degree is in tennis ball resilience.
His barkchelor’s was in Comparative Literature, though. I’m…not sure where that came from.
If you’d like to book Chewy for tutoring sessions, please contact his human, Matthew.
Know any brilliant pupfessors yourself? Send them in to be our featured Pet of the Week! Your cohorts will thank you.
Happy End of February, friends! If you’re a Welcome Weekend participant, welcome to our cornfields! We’re so glad to have you and have an excellent Pet of the Week just for you: our very first bunny!
Wait just a minute, I was clearly told that this week’s Pet of the Week was a rabbit. It said so right in Abigail’s submission: “This is my bunny.” I might be sleep deprived, but that looks like a cat to me. Sure, she has dainty little paws and is very soft and her face says, “You love me and you know it; don’t pretend otherwise,” but a rabbit she is NOT. Abigail, you’re trying to do me a heckin’ bamboozle, but I’m wise to you!
Wait a second.
“This is my Bunny.”
Is her name Bunny?
Well, that’s another story. Abigail, I take back my accusations.
But don’t the rest of you try to trick me like that!
Send us your properly-labeled furry, feathered, or fanged friends, specifying if they are adorably named something other than their species. Yes, this is a requirement. No, I do not have authorization to make it one. I’ve got my eye on y’all.
Hey there, all you lovelorn lonely people. We know your heart is feeling as cold as the polar vortex right now, but we’re here with a beautiful lady to warm you right up.
Missy here is a Single Calico Feline who loves long, luxurious tongue baths and curling up with a good book. She’s always ready for a cuddle and a nap, especially in a sunny window seat. She follows the ones she loves around like a puppy mammal prone to following things. And her purr? Whoa, Nelly. The sweetest song you’ve ever heard.
Won’t you be Missy’s Valentine this year?
Wait. Shoot. Looks like Randi is already Missy’s Valentine.
Well. This is awkward.
Plenty more fish cats in the sea cardboard box, I’m sure. Maybe someone will send in an eligible furever Valentine to be our next Pet of the Week?
This week the Help Desk was graced with nobility the likes of which we have never seen.
We had to make sure everyone saw Eartha Kitty, and hope that her proud stance will inspire you into the weekend! Thank you Kiri for sharing this adorable floof with us!
Want to see your pet featured? Email their picture to firstname.lastname@example.org!
As another week of term passes, our crew has again succeeded in obtaining an exceptional exemplar for our Pet of the Week assignment.
Pup Star Trek beams in from a Class M planet full of strange purple fossils and elegant collars. His wide, trusting eyes and especially floppy ears have brought many members of the crew to exclaim, “Awww.” Initial readings suggest this life form has an affinity for Earth vegetables, snuggles, and being cute.
We owe a great debt of gratitude to Lieutenant Linden for providing us with this specimen. Perhaps other members of the crew will have knowledge of similarly fascinating creatures we might feature as the Pet of the Week. With any luck, those crew members will contact the bridge with their findings.
🖖 Live long and prosper through another week!