I chose to revise this essay because it was my first paper of my college career. Now that the semester is past, I could look at the amount of change my writing has gone through.
Looking at my first essay, I have not grown that much from my AP days. I still value my way of writing even though I use words, like emphasize and conjunction, that I would never use in real life. I still value it because I know having a good vocabulary in my writing usually wins the race especially when writing research. I don’t want to sound like I’m an ordinary girl with no education. I want to sound like I know what I’m talking about.
When revising this essay, I looked at the thesis and support to see if they coincided. For the most part, they did.
I also looked for the ethos, logos, and pathos portions of my argument. Even though I learned these things in high school, it never really stuck with me. Because of this class, this concept of argument is now embedded in my brain. I made my argument sound stronger by giving credentials to Howard White. Although there is no much logos and ethos in my argument as I’d like, ethos shines through to make the argument solid.
After taking this class, I know what to write in conclusions. I used to use the words and phrases: overall, all in all, or as you can see. I also used to restate my thesis and be done with. Now, I know that I can bring up new ideas in my thesis that weren’t emphasized with my support. I also know that cliches are the way to go to get your point across. My original conclusion was just four lines, now it is at least ten lines!