Again, with this essay I began by revising the specific places that my professor advised to make changes. Many of the changes were minor grammar and spelling revisions that were fixed by simply making the changes suggested. There were also a few grammar revisions that I found on my own where I felt the diction I had used was not as beneficial to the argument and I made minor changes on my own in that way.
I actually also felt that one suggestion on the title I was given wouldn’t have been an improvement. Personally I felt my title was an intriguing on that would provoke the audience to question what they hate about the situation, or think about what other people hate about it if they didn’t hate anything. For this reason I decided to keep it the way it is. Even though it may be a bit vague, it offers a question of the reader’s moral compass.
Another large revision was my introduction paragraph. Professor Mary suggested that starting with talk of sports beginning in Ancient Greece was a bit too far back when talking about a modern society and how it deals with protests. I agree with this and thought it would be a better idea to talk about how influential sports culture is in society through the amount of money spent on sports annually. This offered an introduction that lead into the main argument being made.