Finding and Staying Yourself in a Large Society
Critical Response 1: Revision
Sometimes being a single individual in a large society can be difficult. People tend to lose who they truly are because of judgments and stereotypes. They let the words and the way they’re “suppose” to be take over their real selves. Howard White’s Essay, The Power of Hello and The Student Code for University of Illinois exhibits the individuality of being a part of a large group by communicating with the reader that no matter your title, race, or appearance, everyone deserves to be treated equally.
Howard White explains this idea through a personal story. He explains how his career rose to the top and how he never managed to lose the idea of saying hello to people. This simple deed went a long way for him. Howard White is the vice president of the Jordan Brand for Nike, and although he holds a high position, his mother taught him that every person deserves to be acknowledged. He was taught this deed in his toddler years and ever since then he makes an effort for everybody. He talks to the café workers and the people that cleaned his building because he believed everyone deserved to feel important no matter their position. Although he has a high title in the company, he never lost his humility and true self. Howard White’s belief also relates to the University of Illinois Student Code.
When someone is apart of a big university, it’s common to feel like you’ve lost your personal identity. The Student Code highlights and reassures students and members that a person should never feel that way. It states that students should never be graded on opinions or anything unrelated to academic matters and that any beliefs of any sort should be confidential so that in any environment people don’t feel targeted in the classroom. The rights of the classroom also transfer to Campus Expression. Although peaceful protesting is allowed, the University regulates it so that individuals are assured their safety and individuality.
I strongly agree with Howard White and the Student Code. It is crucial for students, faculty, or anybody on campus to feel as if they are in a judgment free zone and that they are still able to express themselves within a large campus. Although, if someone expresses their thoughts in a judgmental way, people have to right to think indifferently towards them. I have seen situations where students may feel violated because of something that was said or even an advertisement where the students feel afraid to express their true selves and I think it’s crucial to be yourself because in the future it will get you to where you want to be.
Although both readings affected me on the choices I make and the statements I say, the Power of Hello impacted and motivated me to reach out to every individual, even if it is just a simple hello. In my everyday life I could be distracted and walk right past people I know, but now I’m going to start paying attention because you never know what people could be going through. A simple hello really changes that.
Howard Whites, Power of Hello and the Student Code for the University of Illinois were powerful because it allowed the reader to understand that it’s important for a person to not lose their individuality and to be a judgment free person when it is the right situation because doing a simple deed can go a long way.
Comments
- Interesting title. Usually coming up with a creative and descriptive title is hard for me. I want a title that will appeal to the audience and want them to keep reading. I really liked my title for the critical response. I like it because I think a lot of individuals struggle with staying themselves in a large group and so it is relatable. When pieces of writing are relatable, they’re more inclined to keep reading and that’s why I enjoyed my title.
- Use standard essay format. Double space your papers. Oops, this is such a simple task that I forgot to do! I always double space my work, I think it’s more professional and also standard essay format.
- Good job of introducing your sources right away. Thank you. In this critical response, I think it’s so important to introduce them right away because you’re discussing them the whole time. You not only summarize, but also analyze and relate them to each other. It is important that the reader knows exactly what the source is from the start.
- …being A PART… two words here. Again, a simple mistake I made. I sometimes don’t proofread enough and this is what happens. I need to be careful because those two words look the same, but have different meanings in sentences.
- You’ll want to look this word up. You mean a different word. I changed the word to the “rise” of his career. I think in the moment I used google and thought it worked, but reading it now, I realized it doesn’t.
- Here too. You can uphold high standards, but I think you’re trying to say he HOLDS a high position. Another mistake. I need to start proofreading better so the reader isn’t confused. If they become confused, they won’t take my information and analysis seriously if I can’t even have correct grammar.
- The noun form of “humble” is “humility.” Thank you. I never knew that!
- For help with possessive nouns and apostrophe use please see section P4 of your handbook. Again, I always think Microsoft will catch these but I guess not. That is good to know so when I am revising I can make sure I have it right.
- Use either “In my opinion” OR “I strongly agree.” Not both. I choose I strongly agree because I feel like in my opinion is overused.
- Really? So if someone expresses an uninformed or ignorant idea, we don’t have a right to judge them? Is this really what the student code says? Read it more carefully. After thinking about your comment, my judgment changes. I believe that if someone gives us the right to think differently, we can make that judgment. Although if they don’t give us any reason to change our judgments then it is not right.
- Grammar Girl to the rescue: http://www.quickanddirtytips.com/education/grammar/impact-verb I made this mistake on one of my big papers and ever since then I noticed the change!
- Book, movie, and periodical titles should be italicized or underlined. Articles, stories, and other short works should be in quotation marks. See P5c,MLA4b & MLA5 in your handbook. Oops, stupid mistake. I fixed them!
- A truly “judgement free person” would embrace a tree-hugging trans-woman of another culture just the same as a s/he would embrace a KKK member. Do you really want the campus filled with people who can’t (or won’t) make judgments? Please don’t confuse anti-discrimination with a lack of judgment. Also, this sentence itself contains conflicting ideas. Isn’t our personal point of view (or our judgments) part of our individuality? How can we have any individuality if we lack the power to make judgments? I changed this sentence. I think at the time I wasn’t thinking in depth enough about the subject.
Reflection
Typically when I come back to my writing after quite some time, I noticed many mistakes and many sentences that don’t even sound good to me. Critical Response 1 was my worst grade and that’s why this was the perfect opportunity to see why I didn’t do as well as I thought.
When I started to revise, I began with looking through Mrs. Mary’s comments. I did this and it helped me realize I often make the same mistakes. For example, I mess up a lot of my apostrophes, which is something so simple but I constantly forget to do it. After going through the comments, I moved on and reread the whole piece altogether. I changed many sentences that just didn’t sound right with the words I chose at the time. For example, I switched hold from uphold because at the time I thought it was right, but after coming back to it I realized it was wrong.
After realizing this was my worst grade, I had to pay close attention why it was that way. I had to put forth a lot of effort in my revision process. Specifically, I realized that I wasn’t relating the two subjects effectively and that I was making a lot of judgments. It is important to not make many judgments because it makes the writing piece an opinion and shows the writer is biased and uneducated.
Revising this assignment made me learn about who I am as a writer. I think it’s important to come back to writing that you haven’t looked at for a while because you usually see the same mistakes you’re making in all your assignments. I learned that I want to continue revising my papers this way because I realized what mistakes I make continually.