The Failure of Health and Income: An Upcoming Problem

An Annotated Bibliography: Revision

Thesis: Although obesity is becoming one of the most salient issues in today’s society, it hits harder for low-income families because of their inability to provide healthy, nutrient filled foods to their families.

Pablos, Theresa. “Preventive Medicine For LA’s Low-Income Communities.” Web log post. Publicceo. N.p., 20 Feb. 2014. Web. 27 Mar. 2016.

Preventive Medicine For LA’s Low Income Communities was enticing and eye opening. It stated that even when our country is facing a staggering crisis regarding health, the low-income families have the least access to help, which supports my thesis. This blog post gave statistics by using graphs. Graphs are constructive because the audience can analyze them in order to fully understand the purpose of the article rather than reading it thoroughly. The 2011 Survey related exactly to my research. According to the Los Angeles County Department, the direct trend between body mass index and income is apparent in today’s society. That statistic supports my evidence because it is showing a direct relationship between the two; meaning as one goes up, so does the other. This source was different from the other’s because not only did it tell the audience what the problem was, it gave solutions that worked for California. In order to inform the reader, they explained that they have discounts on Zumba classes and affordable exercise classes. Lastly, Theresa Pablo’s ended her blog post with a quote. The quote gave the blog post a conclusion by explaining that if children practice their ways of effective eating and spending money on healthier food, hopefully, the number of obese people will decrease. The author’s overall thesis is that there is a direct correlation between obesity and poverty because the low-income families have the least access to help.

I will be using this blog post as a primary source. It is scholarly and credible. In other times, I haven’t found many blog posts credible, but this blog is one of my leading sources. Not only does it list statistics and give support with it, but also the audience is visualizing it through the graphs. This source is directed towards people living in the California area/state. One criterion of a source that tells if it is credible is whether or not the author’s credentials are included. For this source, the author’s name is given and no other information. This could be alarming to the reader, but because it was broadcasted on television it made the source reliable. Also, this blog post is relevant. Because this post was made in 2014, the reader will be able to trust the information that is given. This source is strengthening my research topic because the statistics allowed the reader to be more confident about the article. Although this information is already trustworthy, the statistics and graphs strengthen it. Overall, this source is crucial to include in my research paper because it only heightens my overall approach to show the reader the correlation between the two.

Suarez, Ray, and Lisa Pino. “Correlation between Poverty and Obesity.” YouTube. YouTube, 18 Mar. 2011. Web. 27 Mar. 2016.

There is a common judgment that poor people are usually overweight, but why is that? This video, Correlation between Poverty and Obesity explains that the sole reason that families in poverty are typically obese is affordability. When buying food for their families, it often comes down to getting whatever is cheapest, disregarding health concerns. When disregarding health concerns, it factors into something that is worse for you, such as a health disease. These families don’t think about alternative options or even cooking a nutritious meal because, at the end of their workday, they’re exhausted. Although obesity isn’t just a low-income epidemic, but also an American epidemic, it is still a large factor of why so many people are becoming obese. This video also touches briefly on the assistance for the families from the US government. For example, many low-income families use food stamps (now, SNAPS) so these families have some assistance. The United States today, has 15 programs that help these families, which are aimed to help them and allow them to have a better food choice. For this video, the thesis is that the main reason low-income families are suffering from obesity is affordability. This was brought up right from the beginning of the video. The video was effective because it continually resurfaced the thesis.

I will be using this source as a primary source for my research. This source is credible and it also has been played on the news so the information that is given needs to be credible for the audience. The audience is directed towards the population of those who often make the correlation between poverty and obesity and allows them to see why that actually is. This article helps explain my topic because it informs the audience that general population has the judgment that poor people are obese. It not only explains that but also touches on other factors. It is important to show other factors so that they audience is able to realize why people make this generalization. The only downfall to this source is that it is a bit outdated (2011), although statistically the information is still current enough to use. This source will strengthen my research topic by giving me more examples and statistics of using so my reader is able to truly understand why obesity is a leading problem for low-income families.

Critical Response #4:  Response to Comments

1. Wrong class? lol, Haha oops. I guessed I didn’t proofread enough and didn’t realize I typed “K” instead of “H.” I fixed it.
2. good. Thank you! Sometimes it is difficult for me to come up with a good title, but I was proud of this title, “The Failure of Health and Income: An Upcoming Problem.” I liked how I included “An Upcoming Problem” because it made it more detailed.
3. For help with possessive nouns and apostrophe use please see section P4 of your handbook. I read the section and realized this is a common problem I have. Although it is not because I don’t have the knowledge of it, it is because I am not careful when looking over it. Thank you for helping me and realizing my issue when in my writing about this!
4. Passive voice makes this wordy and indirect. See section W-3 of your handbook for help. After reading W3, I changed the sentence to “Although obesity is becoming one of the most salient issues in today’s society, it hits harder for low-income families because of their inability to provide healthy, nutrient filled foods to their families.”
5. Good, though you could word it more concisely and clearly. I changed the sentence to what it is above. Throughout the course of this class, I have realized that conciseness is a problem throughout my writing. I have noticed improved and when I am proofreading, I really try to look for sentences that I can fix to be more concise.
6. Try to keep your own opinion out of your summary. I took out all my opinions. I realized that having my opinion makes it less credible and more biased. Thank you!
7. This part is good. very thorough. Thank you. I believe the reader will enjoy this part as well because it has a lot of good detail, which shows what the source is about.

   8. Again, keep your opinion out. Fixed it before I even read this comment!

   9. apostrophe use is a problem for you. You’ll want to do exercises to learn this. I realized this as well, but it is more a problem of laziness. When revising this and my other assignments, I made sure to read through the whole assignment and fix where necessary.

   10. good. Thank you!

   11. opinion. (otherwise, this is a very good summary.) Like the other opinions, I removed it and exchanged it with a statement. On the other hand about the summary, thank you. I think it’s important to have a well-written summary so the reader completely understands the source.

    

   Critical Response #4: Reflection

   I did not do as well as I hoped on this critical response, that’s why I was excited when I was able to revise it. In my opinion, reflecting on anything you do is important, especially in writing. When I reflect on my writing, I really understand the mistakes I am making because I continually see similar ideas throughout my reflections.

   In the critical response, I needed to find two new sources and analyze them. When I started to revise this CR, I began with the comments.  I begin with your comments because you know better than any student and the mistakes you see are usually important skills I am continually messing up. When viewing your comments, I realized that I have an issue with apostrophes. Although, I really noticed it was out of laziness, not lack of skill. There are times where I get too lazy to read over the paper again and nit-pick all the grammar mistakes. Otherwise, I think I did well in the summaries and throughout the rest except some little mistakes that were fixable.

   Since the beginning of my portfolio, I have noticed that I continually make the same mistakes. In this case, I make mistakes in my grammar and using passive voice. When we learned about passive voice in class, I was quite confused. After that class, I used Youtube to learn the lesson, but sometimes I don’t recognize when I am using it. Also, out of laziness, I tend to forget to use apostrophes. I know how to use them, but tend to forget and think the computer will correct them.

   After this particular assignment, I have learned more about analyzing sources. The most important skill I have gained is what to include in a summary and what to not include. I believe I really excelled on this assignment because my summaries were thorough and made the reader understand what is going on in the source. I think I did really well on this assignment but understand the grade I earned.