I seem to have neglected Week 5, so this week you have TWO blog posts. This is the first one.
First, imagine that it’s five years after graduation, and you have been at your current “on-the-way-to-the-dream job” for three years now. You’re hard at work one day, cranking through some of the email backlog before you get started on the next thing you need to do, and you come across this:
Hi there!
I am currently a senior English major with a minor in communications at the University of Illinois. I’m hoping to get a job in [field you currently work in] when I graduate. I was wondering if you have any recommendations or tips to help me in my search. I know it’s important to network, so I’d be really grateful for any advice you can give me.
Thanks so much! Go Illini!
Lydia Bennet
Second, after you’ve read the email quoted above, respond to this post with two things:
- The immediate reaction of future-professional-you.. What do you think upon getting this email? How do you respond? Write a sentence or two to convey the effect of this email on its recipient.
- Your suggestions about how this email could be rewritten (or rethought) to accomplish its goals more effectively. Write a sentence or two about what you think this writer should have done differently.
1. I think I would be surprised and be compassionate toward this email, but also cynical. I agree that the email is too vague, I’d need more substance.
2. The email is supposed to be cold, not fluffy. I would have her omit all the exclamation points and Introduce who she is and explain how I know her and what she wants.
1) I’m flattered that someone would reach out to me to ask for advice or any career recommendations because I know what it’s like to be in Lydia’s shoes. I would respond and let her know that I am more than happy to help her, but I also would ask her to give me specific questions she had.
2) I want her to have email me something more substantial because this just seems to have little purpose and no direction. She should ask specific questions that I could answer rather than have me guess what type of advice she wants.
1. I can imagine being surprised and put off by this email. The email seems hastily written and rather careless in its vague requests. I’m sure the person writing this email (Lydia Bennet!) might genuinely like the idea of working in my field and want to succeed, but this email gives me the impression that she doesn’t actually care too sincerely about the work. And from my perspective as someone who prioritizes social justice in my work, this email is especially off-putting.
2. To make this email stronger, I would have liked for Lydia to address me by name and letting me know how she got my contact information. I would also appreciate some brief thoughts on what draws her to my field and any kind of involvement related to my field she already has. I definitely would have liked to see more specific requests than general advice, recommendations, or tips. Also, this is just personal, but I’m really not big on school spirit, and if Lydia were writing to me as someone interested in advocacy or education and social justice work, I would expect her not to end her email with a cheer connected to our university’s (retired—with a pension) racist mascot.
1. Personally, I think being five years older, I believe I would get chills (happy chills) reading the email at first glance just because I feel it’s very intimidating having to email professionals of a field you particularly want to go in. However, after reading it in all seriousness a second time, I would say it is very vague, I would wonder if this was a template used for a bunch of other English major alumni.
2. To improve this email, I would definitely begin by having her acknowledge me by my name, specifically in terms of showing respect when trying to ask someone for help. I would want her to be more specific, how does she know me and why does she want my input. Also, I would want her to show more initiative in making the plan to either meet up or talk on the phone, that way I could instantly know if I can make the meeting or not. Although I love the fact that she included “Go Illini,” I don’t think that’s appropriate to put in the email, maybe she could have saved that for our meeting. I also wished she would have signed off with her email, phone number and maybe even her LinkedIn account just so I could get an idea of what she has done for experience before I would meet with her.
1. I think that future me would surely respond, having remembered being in her position, with some questions about what kind of guidance she’s looking for, ask her a couple things about herself and what she wants to do specifically, etc. I’d figure she didn’t get too specific considering it’s just a reach out email; she doesn’t know me and loading in a bunch of things about herself and her dreams and aspirations without my asking could be a bit off-putting or end up being way too long.
2. While I think that brevity is good, it seems like she should have asked me at least one specific question/been more specific and brief instead of just brief. Anyone would be able to google me via LinkedIn or my company’s website and figure out where I work or in what industry. So saying that she’s “interested in getting a job in my field” doesn’t tell me much and is a template she could be using for multiple people in multiple industries. It also doesn’t tell me that she knows anything about me or what I do. She didn’t mention my position directly or anything I have done, which tells me she probably is just asking a ton of people advice. It’s not that you need to flatter the person you’re asking the help of, but you should at least let them know that you chose to email them personally. So a more specific reference to me or what I do and maybe a more personal detail about what she wants to get into specifically/how I can help without being wordy or presumptuous would be good.
1. I would, true to my cynical nature, read the email as a bit too filled with fluff (“Go Illini!”), and too vague– networking is a great start, but in what way? Would she like me to refer her to individuals who might be interested in hiring her? Helping her? It’s not clear what she actually wants help with.
2. Perhaps explaining why Linda would like to work in the field would be nice to know, especially since anyone could say that about any field. What in particular is she passionate about? In addition, I suggest she omit “Go Illini!”