PDF and Website Links
My revision (made into website):
https://sites.google.com/illinois.edu/rhet105-research-revision/home
Reflection
I found it difficult at first to make a revision of this paper. I liked how I presented the ideas in the paper, so I knew that I did not want to bother with a desk drawer revision. I thought about how this information could be presented in a meaningful way, but I knew that a brochure would be too small. I eventually thought of creating a website where I would be able to use some of the strong material from my paper while also adding in some of my own opinions. I also decided on a website because I would be available to anyone. This falls in line with what I wanted to accomplish by writing a paper on this topic. I believe this really helps keep the anti-vaping voice even though it is presented in a much more direct manner. I was able to categorize the ideas in my essay which I believe breaks down the essay into much more manageable chunks of information. My opinion on vaping has not changed since I wrote this paper, but I also wrote it recently, so I am not surprised.
To complete this revision, I looked at Professor Mary’s comments on the essay and corrected any errors before using the writing. This also helped me to think about any organization changes I wanted to make when selecting different pages for the website.
Professor Mary’s Feedback Letter
Congratulations on an excellent research paper. Your thesis is clear, focused, and argumentative, and you do a great job of supporting it with evidence from your sources. You skillfully lead us to your very logical conclusions. You do a good job of engaging your sources in conversation about your topic, and your source boundaries are mostly clear. However, you rarely make use of signal phrases to introduce your sources. Remember that signal phrases not only help with boundaries but can help introduce ethos into your essay and suggest ways for the sources to interact with the material. You have only a very few minor errors, but sometimes your sentences are a bit opaque.
To revise this for your portfolio you would mostly want to make better use of signal phrases to introduce your sources. You would also want to clarify any cloudy language and correct any grammar errors.