General Reflection:

When I was writing the assignment for the first time, I thought this CR was assigned to encourage us thinking critically about a documentary film. However, before I began revising the CR, I read the instruction and the rubric again, I figured out that it was actually asking for both the ability of analyzing a controversial event and the ability of correctly providing in-text citations and worked cited page in MLA format.

Actually, although I got an A for the assignment, I didn’t actually get the purpose of it. After a semester of learning, I found it was a good practice of raw material analyzing and source using before we did our annotated bibliography. The assignment should have been more valuable if I realized this fact when I did it for the first time. Moreover, I found that if I carefully considered the purposes for each assignments in-depth, the serious errors in two of the major assignments should be avoided.

During the revision, I first responded to teachers comments and revised all the errors she pointed out. Moreover, I also looked at the rubric and the comments on it. I substantially improved the title, and revised the passive sentences. I found that the new grammatical knowledge I learned in the course was really useful in enhancing my style and effectiveness of writing.

Responses to Prof. Mary’s comments:

Your title is specific and descriptive, but not original, since every paper in the class could have the same name.

The title part is actually the worst part I did in the essay. I made the title more creative in the revised version through adding “Who took our mascot?” before the original title.

(Utilized) How often do you utilize this word in conversation?

I saw how my classmate described this word as a fancy version of use in Literacy Wiki. I changed it to “use.”

Don’t put extra line breaks between paragraphs

I revised it.

This is a special non-count noun that doesn’t take a plural. Please see section E3-b of your handbook for help.

Compliments:

Interesting. While a one sentence paragraph would be rare in an essay, here it works because this is a strong sentences and shows a dramatic transition into your review.

good job of providing context.

good acknowledgment of your source.

excellent analysis.

good analysis.

Thank you, I aimed to do so.

Extra changes: 

I changed several unnecessary passive voices to make the sentences more concise.

I found that there were several more minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing, and I fixed them.

Moreover, I found that some of the sentences that lack conciseness undermined the flow and structure of my essay, I revised them.

Example:

Before: Our school, UIUC, is a school without a mascot. It is rare for universities the States because schools need symbols to love, share, and being spiritually connected. As a result, why doesn’t our university, a significant member of the Big Ten with thousands of students from different backgrounds, has our own symbol?

After: Moreover, universities without mascots are rare in the States because they need symbols to love, share, and being spiritually connected. As a result, why doesn’t our university, a significant member of the Big Ten with thousands of students from different backgrounds, have our own symbol?