Sex addiction is a mental health issue that is often swept under the rug. While some of us may feel like we are too dependent on sex or may see no issue at all, symptoms often go unsaid and relationships can go down the drain when too many mistakes the drain. Sex is a touchy subject, since it’s linked to power, violence, and infidelity. At the same time, it’s a health and normal part of being a human being. Where is the line between a happy balance and a compulsive behavior?
While I never had a sex addiction, I’m pretty sure I’ve had a relationship with a sex addict that completely damaged my sense of confidence and security a few years ago. They might have thought that they didn’t’ have a problem, and I probably thought their behavior was normal because I had no experience myself. No matter if you are a girl or boy, it’s important to know what the signs of a person with a sex addiction are and if you might be dating one. Understanding where their damaging behaviors are stemming from may give you a better sense of understanding that the circumstances are not your fault. It may also help you urge the person in your life to get help if you choose to aid them with rebuilding their lifestyle,
Signs of Sex Addiction
It should be totally normal for a person to want to have sex or experience it with someone that they care about or at least interested in. Sex is a sacred part of life, but there are no definite rules for everyone since we’re all different. At the same time, addiction experts can draw out a few key symptoms of people who have a sex addiction since it takes a toll on their life and overall focus.
If the person you’re with is showing signs of the following behaviors, they may be displaying compulsive behavior to be worried about:
- They have a track record. The saying “once a cheater, always a cheaters” isn’t true for everyone. I believe in second chances, and just because someone cheated once doesn’t mean they’ll do the same thing with you. However, if the person’s history unravels and it looks like a serial line of infidelity, you first need to understand that you may not be able to change this person. It may also show that they are constantly thinking about sex and can’t find satisfaction with sticking with one person to fulfill their fantasies. If the person tells you in the beginning that they have cheated in the past, take it as a blessing that they’re letting you know who they are before you get yourself hurt.
- They can’t focus. Someone who has a sex addiction won’t be able to cope during a normal day without thinking something about sex. Maybe they see someone that sparks a fantasy, but draw it way overboard to the point where they lose track of everything they’re doing. Maybe they leave the room in the middle of a movie, stay in the bathroom too mysteriously long, or are taking their lunch break at odd times during the day. Unusual behaviors like this and often looking “out of it” could be a sign that they head isn’t where it should be,
- They’re a compulsive liar. This ties into the behaviors of covering up their location and who they may be seeing behind your back. People who have a compulsive behavior issue tend to be compulsive liars, even towards the people they care the most about. They can’t control whether they tell the truth or not. You won’t be able to cover all of their tracks during the day, but over time if you notice things aren’t adding up you need to start taking action. Ask questions, don’t be a doormat, and definitely don’t settle for excuses that pin the blame on you. If you are in a relationship with someone that doesn’t make you feel secure or anxious, you need to get out.
- They admit to helping themselves down there many times during the day. This is one trait that I wished I paid more attention to than being a behavior that guys just do. A guy could be the most active and masculine person in the world, but taking time off in a bathroom stall too many times during the day to think about you is not normal. The person might tell you their behavior to help you feel compliment to more close with them, but take it as a flashing red light of their oncoming sex addiction.
- They oftencross the line. Often someone who has a sex addiction will cross the line in conversations they have with their friends. If they always seem to find a way to tie a conversation back to sex, they definitely have some sort of sex addiction under wraps. If you know that they’re talking about sex with someone of the same sex as you, you may start to feel upset and insecure that they’re flirting with that person as well. It hurts to read messages that you don’t want to see, especially if you’ve already had the conversation with your “boo” to get a sense of what’s appropriate and what’s not. If they don’t seem to listen to your fears and your concerns, they might be dependent on the pleasure of talking about it, acting on it, thinking about it and definitely need sex addiction recovery.
- Their online trial shows proof of too much time spent thinking about sex. If porn is all over their search history, their saved photos are of scantily clad girls or guys you don’t know, or if they just have shady pages consult on tab, they might have a sex addiction. There’s a reason why Facebook tracks what our browser spends time one because it points to what our most interests us, what our values are, and how we spend our time. Leads that are pointing to consistent topics on sex should be one of the dead tale signs of sex addiction.
Get Sexual Addiction Treatment
Don’t sell yourself short. If you suspect that a person you’re spending time with, dating, or even married to might have a sex addiction take into account the symptoms I mentioned above. It might hurt to realize that someone is not who we originally thought, but life is all about respecting yourself enough to put your emotions, sanity, and time first. Spend time with people who follow healthy habits and respect themselves. If you are especially committed to this person or don’t want to see them fall in the future, consider talking to them about getting sex addiction recovery so they can regain a better focus on their life. Sex addiction is known for destroying the best of relationships, careers, and lifestyles if it goes out of hand.
